Friday, January 18, 2013

Trailer for Spring Breakers; or, Please Just Kill Me Now

Watch this trailer, then hit the jump where I go off on a rant about how absolutely stupid and awful this looks.

Okay. Near as I can tell, this movie is about four psychopathic young girls who don't have a single brain between them. They don't have enough money to spend spring break in "style," so they decide to rob some place with automatic weapons. Then, they get into some shit they weren't expecting when they meet an obviously shady character (really, James Franco?) and decide to party with drug dealers. I'm assuming it all spirals downhill from there and they get more than they bargained for. Let me tell you, my sympathy for these women is through the roof.

Obviously, I haven't seen the movie, so I don't really know if I'm supposed to sympathize with them or not. Either way, I just don't give a shit about anything this movie has to offer. I especially like the line right before they go into a shop guns blazing, where one of them says, "Pretend like it's a video game." Great. That's just what we need. Vapid dialogue that will only perpetuate the myth of video games being responsible for real-life violence. Honestly, the only satisfaction I could ever get out of this is if it ends with all four of them dead at the bottom of the ocean. Then, and only then, would it be appropriate to crank up the dubstep.

I know, the director wrote Kids and Ken Park (which I've only seen some of). Still...this looks like garbage. And to top it all off, the trailer ends with the gang singing a Britney Spears song. Even if this turns out to be some kind of commentary, it won't engage me when I have to sit through that.

Maybe I'm way off the mark here. By all means, let me know if you want to set me straight.

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